Adventures of Online Dating

Why Dating Sucks

  

I get to a point where I’m like “you know what? I hate this.” For the most part dating is great like I talked about in Why Dating is Awesome. But it also makes you question LITERALLY EVERYTHING.  Which is why dating sucks. 


It’s 100% possible I overthink things and that’s why I tend to freak out. I’m going to tell you some of the things that go through my mind and you can tell me if you relate.  

At first everything is smooth sailing. And then BAM! Hits you like a ton of bricks. The questioning. The wondering. Every forehead smacking moment that was seeping in the back of your brain is brought to the forefront. And that’s how it starts.

When he brought up Dia De Los Muertos and you had a complete brain fart even though you 100% know what it is, you sounded like an idiot. And why the hell did you decide to wear that?  Are you sure you looked good? Because when you think back on it, it sounds like a HORRIBLE idea. And all the silences– were they too long or too awkward? You just remembered you totally didn’t tip the bartenders when you offered pay for drinks. He probably thinks you are a cheap ass. Or that you are undignified. Did you laugh too loud? Eat too loud? And you didn’t finish the meal he paid for! Ugh! And even worse you didn’t get a box. You should have gotten a box! What is wrong with you woman?! And at the end of the night you totally freaked out getting in your head about a goodnight kiss. Does he want one? Are you comfortable with that? How do you do this? How do the two of you part? What if he goes in for one and you are sure you are totally going to screw it up? Get out of your head! Be in the moment! Stop fidgeting with your necklace! 

It doesn’t matter that you have been talking everyday since, have a second date set up, or that he kissed you on the cheek like a gentleman. 

Now there’s new questions. Because now you think this is what you want. You like this guy. A lot. But what if he doesn’t like you quite the same? What if he is just looking for casual dating to keep him occupied but wants nothing more out of it? What if he doesn’t often think about you, but you have been thinking about him all the time. How bad would it suck if he decided he didn’t want this to go any further? Is this age thing going to be an issue? How will you know? Is it too soon to just ask him up front? “Hey man what do you want out of this?” Is that coming on too strong? Will that be the thing that makes him want to drop you? Will it be too hard to just be patient and wait it out until he tells you? Is he waiting for you to ask? Surely it’s too damn early for all of this. He probably doesn’t even think about you until a text comes through. Right? Should I continue talking to other guys? Even if I’m pretty sure that I want to focus on him? Is that crazy? To feel that way? I’m pretty sure I should be institutionalized. 

When you are texting…you are excited and want to text right back…but should you? Does that seem desperate? He doesn’t text right back. But I just get so damn excited like 15 year old and want to respond immediately.  But I hold off most of the time. It’s irritating, like I’m playing games instead of just being myself. And as I say “if she’s playing games she’s too young for you bro.” I am overthinking this? Or maybe I’m not. I’m not sure. Am I, in fact, too young for him bro? Maybe he’s got a life and that’s why he doesn’t respond right away you dipwad. Stop overthinking this! Why do you send such long texts? Is that ok? Or is he annoyed by it?

I know that we have a second date scheduled and a third planned, as well as other plans, but was he joking about the other plans? For the movie marathon? Was he just saying that? I’m cleaning my place from top to bottom…just in case. When are we going to add each other on Facebook? Is it weird to wonder that?  Because I feel like I need to go through and delete stuff I have posted. I should watch what I say on there. But then I’m not being myself. But people are judgmental at first. Why am I worried about that right now? I just want to know what you want out of this an then I can relax! Tell me! TELL ME NOW!

This may not be even close to how you think. And I just realized that as a 24 year old woman, this is the first time I have gone on a date thinking ahead of time that this is a date, and we are not in a relationship. So I may be completely freaking out for no reason.  I hate the unknown. I just want to know where I stand. At all times. And when I don’t, I question my, well, everything. Decisions, actions, feelings. It makes me anxious. And that my friends, is why dating sucks. 








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